There is nothing wrong with you.
Your nervous system is adapting to a big change. These are the practices from our session, so you can keep helping it, one small moment at a time.
You don’t need another mountain to climb. You need a few small practices, repeated.
A note from Deborah
We had an hour together. The practices don’t have to stop there.
Everything here takes between one and ten minutes, and fits inside the workday you already have. Pick one thing. Do it at the same moment each day, when you’re calm, so it’s there for you when you’re not. That is how a nervous system learns to trust a practice.
One minute of cyclic sighing, for the moment before a hard meeting or after a hot, flooded one.
The Basic Exercise, then one cyclic sigh. Ideal first thing, before the laptop opens.
A guided close to the day: the Half Salamander, slow sighs, and closing the tabs in your head.
Two inhales, one long exhale. The long exhale presses your vagal brake, and your heart rate eases a little.
In a Stanford trial, five minutes of cyclic sighing a day improved mood more than the same time spent in mindfulness meditation. It won’t stop a hot flash, but it can stop the panic spiral around one.
Five short practices from the session. Each has a short film and a guided recording. Choose one, and repeat it until your nervous system trusts it.
Eight guided practices in my voice. Headphones help, eyes open or closed. A voice your nervous system already knows tends to settle it faster.
When you’re overloaded, where does it show up first? Your first signal is your early-warning system. Choose what fits, and you’ll get the practice to reach for.
Your practice
The three states come from polyvagal theory. It’s a helpful map, not a diagnosis, and parts of it are still debated by researchers.
We run fire drills when there’s no fire. Choose one moment of your day and pair a practice with something you already do. Then save your card as a lock-screen reminder.
Your card
Set it as your lock screen, or screenshot it. One anchor, repeated for two weeks, beats four anchors tried once.
Four short prompts. Write a line or a page. There’s no right answer, and no one else will see it.
Vagus is Latin for wandering. It runs from the brainstem past the throat, heart and lungs to the gut, and most of its traffic flows upward, from body to brain. That’s why we begin with the body.
Each exhale presses the vagal brake on the heart, and heart rate slows slightly. Each inhale eases off it. Heart rate variability (HRV) is one way to measure how responsive that brake is.
of women felt “not informed at all” about menopause before age 40. If nobody explained this to you, you’re in the majority.
didn’t feel like themselves at least half the time during the transition. Forgetfulness was the most bothersome symptom.
In the large SWAN study, thinking and memory returned to pre-transition levels afterwards. If fog continues after the transition, mention it to your doctor.
studies found that women with more negative attitudes toward menopause reported more, or worse, symptoms. How you frame it changes how you feel it.
of daily cyclic sighing improved mood and lowered breathing rate more than mindfulness meditation, over a month.
midlife women: those with higher mindfulness reported less irritability, anxiety and depression, most of all those under the most stress.
of 4,000+ women reported at least one negative work outcome because of symptoms. Missed workdays alone cost an estimated $1.8 billion a year in the US.
Curious, warm, able to think.
Snappy, racing, hot.
Foggy, flat, “I can’t.”
Irritability, anxiety and fog often look like states two and three. Your system isn’t broken. It’s working hard to protect you.
The three states come from polyvagal theory (Stephen Porges). Clinicians find it very useful, and researchers still debate parts of it.
Rosenberg’s neck and eye exercises come from clinical practice and haven’t been tested in controlled trials yet. Let your own nervous system be the judge.
Breathing and relaxation don’t reduce hot flashes themselves. CBT and clinical hypnosis do have evidence, and hormone therapy remains first-line.
A need you can name is a need someone can meet. Take these, and make them yours.
For allies & managers
You don’t need to be an expert. Our nervous systems read each other’s faces and voices, so one regulated person really does change a meeting.
The Menopause Society lists certified menopause practitioners. Bring your symptom journal: months of your own notes are hard to dismiss.
Stanley Rosenberg, Accessing the Healing Power of the Vagus Nerve (North Atlantic Books, 2017): the source of the neck and eye exercises.
If this weighs on you, you don’t have to push through. CBT, mindfulness and your company’s employee assistance programme are good places to start.
For when you want to be guided, not just reminded. Filmed versions of the neck and eye practices, longer sessions, and a gentle week-by-week path for building capacity, in one quiet place.
Opens a short email to Deborah. Nothing is collected on this page.
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If the session left you wanting more space, this is it. Six days by the sea in Mallorca to rest, reconnect and let your nervous system settle, with sunrise and sunset rituals of breath, meditation and gentle movement.
Listening · Rooting · Unfolding · Tending
Not a yoga retreat or a course: a retreat of space, choice and intention. Open to women and men.
About
Depth psychologist, award-winning author and teacher of meditation. Her guiding belief: down-regulation precedes insight. You can’t think your way out of nervous system exhaustion, so we begin with the body.